I fully share my views with those of Sharda. One should never supress natural outcome. Why only the fair sex, the other part of society needs to follow the habit of laughing. It makes all happy and confident. Smiling is rather more incept and lurable to person having gripped with passionism.

Dear Vinita,

First of all I would like to congratulate you for addressing this issue and in the right manner. My girlfriend forwarded this article to me and I was mesmerized by what you wrote. I am in complete agreement with you.

@ Sharda and Professor Ramesh: Yeah you are right that laughing is a very good exercise and its not right to discriminate the right to laugh out loud on the basis of sex. But I guess this is not the point of the article. I think that the article has been written to highlight the impact a woman can create on the other person just by her smile or laughter. And it thus urges women to use it wisely.

Thanks

no it is not there everywhere look india is not delhi or bombay only ....why do we have tendency to make opinions studies based on metros only ....still in south self accepted dress code is there , a boy will not sit with a girl even if seat is vacant ....see society ... no one can dare to tease a girl ......prof. dewakar goel a poet writer singer professor and bureaucrat

Women must empower themselves to be smart, strong, cofident and above all, to be happy. Laughter mirrors the quantum of health and happiness. No one needs to grant right to laugh, it is self sanctioned.

But most Muslim societies cover up their women

You are quoting Sikh Scripture out of context and it is not about physical birth. It is in reference responsible parenthood; to upbringing of progeny not biological reproduction. Should a woman birth a child it should be kind and virtuous. If she were to bring about an unkind and cruel offspring she would be wasting her youth and health. It is in reference of taking responsibility of becoming a parent. Biological parenthood is not a sufficient condition, the ability to provide right guidance through modeling the virtuous behavior and kindness is recommended.

Women do not raise male children in isolation they raise them in a society that has male bias and preference; thus male children learn they are preferred and privileged than girl children. If a man is drunk every night and beating his wife night after night what will his son learn and what will this oppressed mother teach her son? Is she in any position to part any so called right upbringing? Is it solely a woman's responsibility to raise good sons? What about the fathers?

One can efficiently use Sikh Scriptures to combat sexism in everyday life as it does not distinguish between superiority of a gender. All humans are soul brides, some are wearing male garb and others female (body is a garb and soul inside is bride "jeev istri" longing to merge in the lord almighty "Akal Purakh"). So basically men and women are equal the only difference is like a bunch of people some wearing a particular texture or a designer wear. So the discrimination is just like caste discrimination and that is artificial thus can be altered.

If this is altered then women wont be objects to be protected by few wise men, our fathers.

I agree women and men are not equal in everything but why should women not laugh loudly, which comes so naturally? Laughing is one of the best things in life. Please don't say women should hold back while laughing!!

@ R
I am not saying this but social norms and mind sets have associated elegance, beauty, charm, and other such attributes as feminine and which attract males towards them.......naturally.
Dear R, laughing loudly may be okay with you, but society at large and especially men may not find such girl or woman attractive.
Just like girl or woman find cry baby or weeping man or man shedding tears all the time, as a big turn off.

@girlsguidetosurvival
You have just elaborated in detail my point of competition and comparison between genders, thanks.
Had it been her brother laughing like that then I am sure her father would not have counseled alike.
And that proves my point of gender specific attitude of society and people, which you cannot change.
girls......guide......to......survival.
Your title also suggests that.

Rahul,
Who made these standards of elegance? Are they innate or man made? If a man wants to cry because he is hurt or is feeling his sad emotions why should he be refrained from doing so in the name of manliness? If a woman wants to laugh out aloud she should be able to do so too.
Aren't these so called standards of elegance, masculinity and femininity too constricting for human spirit. All should be free to feel and express their emotions as they are without hurting others. This should not be an excuse for venting out anger and vengeance.
About the competition: That was not what you were saying you came from a position of anger and superiority for men; some women want to compete with men. I began from all being humans not just men or women.

You said...gender specific attitude of society and people, which you cannot change.
There is nothing in this world that has not undergone a change. Social behaviors and attitudes are human made after all and have changed over centuries. Look at two different phenomenon in India: women's education and caste relations. What was once scandalous and difficult to navigate has morphosed into a different reality today. All behaviors are learned so they can be unlearned. Women are writing on this blog was it possible to imagine just 50 years ago?
You are saying gender specific attitude of society and people, which you cannot change, then you are wrong. At GGTS change begins with self. I am responsible for my actions and there by consequences. Together we can change our lives. The humility to accept another point of view and accept that I do not know isn’t that bad a thing at GGTS.
Please read the About the Blog page. You are free to create your own meaning from it but please don’t publicize that because intentions of GGTS are different than yours.

www.girlsguidetosurvival.wordpress.com

girlsguidetosurvival,
Standards of elegance are man made, no doubt.
Yeah, man should not be refrained from crying in the name of manliness, and yes, if woman wants to laugh out loud she should be able to do so too.
Yes, these so called standards of elegance, masculinity and femininity are too constricting for human spirit, and all should be free to feel and express their emotions as they are without hurting others. This should not be an excuse for venting out anger and vengeance. Right you are.
Our perspective regarding competition may be different, but there are women in our society who want to compete with men without any logic, just to show that they are same species as men. This is another debatable topic, I suppose.
When I said that.......gender specific attitude of society and people, which you cannot change, I was thinking about near future of say 5 years not distance future of 50 or 100 years when none of us will be alive to write on this blog, even blogs will be out dated by that time. Who knows?
I am making this statement on assumption basis, you may be here to write on this blog even after 100 years by the grace of god, which is again an assumption that God exists.
When you said that change begins with self, and you are responsible for your actions and there by consequences, then you are right, here consequences mean reactions for your actions from society, people, legislation etc.
We are living in a society and not in an isolated cave of any remote jungle, where no human being is around us.
I hope you got my perspective. If you have any doubt then please feel free to ask me on this same blog, but within 5 years not 50 or 100 years, I may not be there by that time.

Regards
Rahul

Rahul,

In my short life I have seen change. In my teens (1989) my father wanted me to wear Salwar Kameez to school and stop playing field hockey just because I was a girl. I had to fight for my right to be able to play and if not skirts then at least wear trousers. Just a couple of years ago my brother got married and on his engagement my mother presented his fiancé` with two pairs of trousers and my father did not utter a word. My sister-in-law reaped the benefits of the struggle I put up with the support of my mother. This is an example, in no way Salwar Kameez is anything less than trousers, it is about right to choose how to dress.

Now about other changes, I do not want live 100 years. In my late teens I saw 73rd amendment Panchayti Raj Act 1992 bringing in numerous rural women into local leadership. Freedom fighter wouldn’t have thought this. Look at number of women IT professionals. CHANGE IS HAPPENING EVERY MINUTE, ONE HAS TO BE PERCEPTIVE OF CHANGE AND BECOME A CHANGE THEY WANTS TO SEE.

About competing with men, as teenager I observed my father gave more orders, had more power and commended more respect. If we disobeyed all he had to do was yelling at us or give us that look and we would be like saanp soogh gaya. My teen brain thought man had power and power controls things and people; yelling and screaming to get things move quickly. I did not want to be like my mother who was mostly quite. I did not recognize power of her silence then. Lack of powerful female role models to follow pushed me to be a pseudo man. Power was with men and I wanted power. Who wanted to be like powerless women? Teen Logic.

after years of hit and trial gender nolonger matters to me. I realized men are equally miserable in this system. Like women the expected gender role performance also robs men of their true self.

It is the same story with the women you are mentioning. EVERYBODY LEARNS ON THEIR OWN.

Be hopeful

visit www.girlsguidetosurvival.wordpress.com

Hi, Dont know your real name. Send me your coordinates at timeslife@timesgroup.com if you don't mind. Give subject line: "Attention: Vinita"

girlsguidetosurvival,
Dear, whatever you said about your slawar kameez to your sister in laws trouser story is nothing but your false sense of triumph over your father. Let me tell you how.
Like woman has a different roles and responsibilities as a daughter, wife, mother, sister in law, mother in law, grandmother, man has a different roles and responsibilities as a son, husband, father, brother in law, father in law, and grandfather.
When he refused to allow you to wear a skirt, he did so in the role of father, he may allow his teenager granddaughter to wear even mini skirt, but as a father he will not allow you to wear mini skirt even now, and even you will not be able to do so in front of him, even now.You will be like saanp soogh gaya, even now. If you want to test this then pick up a mini skirt, wear it and come in front of your father, you will get the answer in the form of a saanp.
One more question to you, if after years of hit and trial gender no longer matters to you, then why did you select gender specific title girlsguidetosurvival for your site?
Why not humanbeingsguidetosurvival?
I am hopeful of getting logical and sensible answer from you.
Please give your answer quickly, because as you said, CHANGE IS HAPPENING EVERY MINUTE.
So dont waste that precious minute.

Regards
Rahul

Rahul,

I generally wear tracking shorts because I am mostly outdoors in nature and often send videos to dad. Both me and dad have grown so much over time. We have our father daughter moments and laugh about the whole gender issue. Things and people change. Now we are into enjoying my experiments of disembodied self.

About girlsguidetosurvival, Yes it is targeted towards desi women because it is their gender that becomes a cause of their oppression both in the family, intimate relationships and society in general. Also, GGTS documents my journey before and after I reached at this understanding about gender. Most information on GGTS is gender neutral. Numerous times it is specifically mentioned all behaviors are learned behaviors so they can also be unlearned.

Please do visit GGTS and leave your opinion there. It will help to make it better.

I am not the audience of GGTS, my reader are both men and women. I have an adenga and my agenda is to be happy, share hope and finding one's own peace without hurting anyone.

There is nothing false about what I mentioned, it is our truth (me, my dad and other family members) we don't have to justify it to anyone.

Even if it was my just a small victory in my family it matters to me. It is a change for me. I don't need any certification from any one to measure the quantum of change. I define change for me. It is the small changes that lead to greater changes.

Where did this issue of triumph and victory come from. It is and was about right to make a choice.

I guess you just enjoy streching the issue and I am sure I cannot devote more time on this post. Will catch up next week.

Peace

girlsguidetosurvival
Thanks for accepting that GGTS is targeted towards desi women and there exist gender specific attitude of society and people which you are trying to change through your articles and posts.
Yeah, certainly you dont need any certification from any one to measure the quantum of change, provided, you dont declare that change as your victory on the public blog like this. If you do so then anyone visiting this blog is free to assess your so called victory as per his or her intellect.
Nobody here asked you what you used to wear as a teenager or what your sister in law used to wear salwar kameez or trouser you gave that information and as a reader I commented on it. I think its my right.
I have already visited your site GGTS and at a glance I found out that most of the topics are targeted towards desi women or girls and relationships, break ups, cycle of violence, dealing with the in-laws, emotional abuse, feeling and expressing your emotions, Khamoshi 1, 2, love or person addiction, lets talk, communication deadlock, loneliness, rate your romance, relationship patterns, self confidence, what you can do, and your rights in a relationship. All these topics may be gender neutral, I have not analysed it in detail, you know better than me about GGTS.
Dear, I dont enjoy to stretch any issue, but surely like to follow it till its logical conclusion where as you seem to have given this issue one weeks time.
Next week, next article by Vinita, and your one week commenting time will start, leaving previous issue incomplete.
Thanks for your invitation to visit GGTS and leave my opinion there. It may or may not help to make it better.
But one thing is for sure once I started to leave my opinion there you will forget to say.....
Peace.

My best wishes are with you and your GGTS. Dont worry, I am not planning to leave any comments there in near future.
Thanks and regards
Rahul

Who wants to compete with men? One would like to compete with something that is better but men are equally oppressed by the system. They can't cry when they are in duress or they are actually hurting because their society deems it unmanly.

Men can't say I do not know because their society wants them to be know all. Their media wants them to be short waisted, broad shouldered TDH. Many more restrictions on men...

Who wants to compete with so much baggage, it wont be healthy. For healthy competition you need healthy competitors not those with so much baggage.

Also, not all men are strog at all times and not all women are weak at all times. Not many Indian men can compete with P.T. Usha and karnam Malleshwari neither they can compete with Akshay Kumar and Amitabh Bacchan. So where does this question of competitio between the genders arise?

The undue time devoted to exaggerate physical differences between genders and minimize similarities it self is the root cause of gender oppression. Women do not think with their uterus or are not in confinement all their lives, it is just nine months at different periods of their lives. So why make such a big deal out of it and put them in a box to act only as prescribed.

Duryodhana was awaiting an excuse and he used Draupadi's laughter. Why is it so hard for men to take responsibility of their emotions and actions. He could have said I am angry and I am going to take revenge? Why did he need an excuse? Just to blame someone for his vengence.

Had it been her brother laughing like that do you think the father would have counseled alike?

THANKS AKASH FOR BEING SO APPRECIATIVE AND UNDERSTANDING.

In thousands of richas and 900 shalokas of 4 vedas are written by how may women? Does these handful women represent all women?

About the yajanas be it ashwamedhana or anyother how many wome could participate? Only the Queen(s). ot all women are queens. So this section also does ot represent all Indian women. It represents only a class of women.

The situatio of women and society in geeral detoriated during late Gupta period. It is easier to blame and point a figure on the outsiders tha take responsibility. Do you research before subscribing to colonial discourses.

...a section of women would,like a section of backward castes,would like to perpetuate the sense of victim hood in them...

So for you backward castes are shaming victimhood and there is no reality to their downtrodden socio-economic plight? The centuries of organized oppression does not count for them it only counts for the downfall of great Indian tradition at the hands of outsiders.

What I am saying is that while any there are always interest groups who would like to ensure perpetuating the sense of victim-hood and many of the women groups,operating in AC offices,lobbying for massive funding and which do nothing for betterment of women except sound bites in the media , are no saint either.What we need is promotion of equality instead of resentment and rhetoric-which is the case currently.

Hi Sandhya,I totally agree with u. I always feel out of place in a gathering as everyone believes that I 'don't behave',whereas I am my true self, always. I feel I'm a mis-fit, I have always been like that, but it's people like u who are becoming my soul mates. I DON'T NEED SOCIAL APPROVAL 4 MY BEHAVIOUR ANYMORE.I need to de-stess myself, and as is famously said, self help is the best help.After all I am 50 and I have a right to lead my life the way I want to!

Hi Kanchan, your reply gives me a feeling of Deja Vu. There was a time when I used to be like you, conscious of how and among who I laugh , but not anymore. Maturity brought about the change and I stopped pretending for the benefit of the society and. I can proudly to say that in spite of my boisterous personality, I have been a perfect daughter-in-law, a modest and caring spouse and above all a responsible mother, so why should I worry about who thinks what? In our patriarchal society male enjoy a socially dominant position but now times have changed. Women who were seen as docile home keepers have now taken their rightful place in the society as dynamic and explosive figures. I have observed very closely that an exuberant women tends to give complex to both men and women, hence they start labeling her. It is unacceptable for men to see a woman on the same social level.

Always be yourself Kanchan, act like you don't care what other people think, even if you do. Acting like yourself will lead to full confidence.

He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle himself away. ~Raymond Hull

i do not know why we create such biases ...look in larger perspectie if you are a man and a woman is your boss ...see how she behaves ...why we should not encourage woman rather then repeating same stories because people like it ......to see woman as weaker sex .....come on ...change the mindset boss ..........make kiran bedi as C I C you will find the difference ,,,,,,,yes it is mee dewakar goel a poet writer singer professor and bureaucrat

I appreciate your views Mr. Goel.....but not all men have a broad perspective like yours? Kiran Bedi is one exception...Women have been discriminated against for centuries, perhaps ever since life on earth. They may not be inferior to men, but their talents and capacities were not allowed to be given expression. Much has changed in the recent decades, women have been waging a war against discrimination, exploitation and abuse while trying to prove the world that they are no longer the weaker sex. Man and woman were made to compliment one another, not to compete with each other. Each gender has their own weaknesses and strengths...one is incomplete without another...and this is yet to be accepted by many.

laughter is such a beautiful infection,everyone wants to get infected,so infect the world with pure hearty laugh.

Never lose your laugh! Life is nothing if not amusing...:)