ERRATICA

Kissing Cousins

Bachi Karkaria
26 May 2010, 06:57 PM IST

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Am I my brother's sleeper? This question surfaces each time I dip into the now daily diet of gotra gruel – and leaves me gagging on it. My deep, dark non-secret is that I am married to my first cousin. Truth be told, nearly 40 years on, I still cringe to mention the relationship to non-Parsi friends. The reaction invariably is one of shocked horror. To them, it is nothing short of first-degree incest. ‘You are a Pharoah or what?' is the kindest of the retorts. But, amidst my fellow Parsis, I can swan around like Cleopatra.

My conditioning makes the current gotra-shotra controversy quite incomprehensible. The khap panchayat is the polar opposite of my own Bombay Parsi Panchayat, which tends to lynch those who DON'T marry within the clan. However, to be fair, our urbane, tribal justice comes in less overtly violent forms than those in the boondocks of Haryana, etc. The BPP will not take the hatchet to the offenders; it will simply axe their application for housing in one of its coveted Trust properties. This, in Mumbai, is a fate worse than death.

Parsis don't have to marry their cousins, but in a so tiny a community, avoiding blood ties is impossible, relatively speaking. The ex-gotrawallas point to the genetic diseases that result from inbreeding. But even if the insular KPs may never have heard of many of the communities which uphold consanguineous marriages, there is a striking similarity of afflictions. The leaders themselves suffer from blinding disorders, and they inflict breathing problems on their victims. The scourge of ‘honour killings' spreads like leukaemia.

Ironically, the KPs and the BPP (along with some Muslim anjumans) pull in diametrically opposite directions to achieve the same goal: preservation of the community. The former fervently believe that marrying outside the clan is the sanctified path to viable survival, while the latter are as adamantly convinced that intermarriage will spell doom, destruction and the end of civilization aka Sunday dhansak. Both sides are as firmly in the right as clearly as they are in the wrong.

All cultures have rules of engagement -- and marriage. In as ethnically atomised a country as ours, social norms cannot be expected to submit to a uniform logic. How can they, when even in a single locality, one man's celebration is another man's provocation, and the only thing in common is the resulting riot? So, the best way to preserve unity is to keep each group segregated in its own cultural ghettos and its own housing societies.

You may argue that you cannot equate who you can marry with what you can cook, but the cynic, or simply the realist, will point out that a goose is involved in both scenarios. Indeed, that bird is an even more apt analogy for the anointed custodians of each community repast -- and its present and future as well.

Worse, as we keep finding out, these sanctimonious upholders of regressive conventions are not just village be-headmen, or some moss-covered relics who have rolled out of the Stoning Age. The Gotra Gestapo of all communities swaggers about in suits that cut as sharply as their diktats, and blinkers masquerade as fashionable shades. It's perversely reassuring to know that it's not only in my own BPP that the most communal directives are expressed in the most cosmopolitan accents. In the past fortnight, Naveen Jindal has confirmed, with steely determination, that youth, Ivy League education, yea, even Page Three status provide no immunity against primordial infections. Mullahs with MBA degrees, IIT terrorists -- everyone's keeping up with the times to push us further back in time.

* * *

Alec Smart said: "Strange. In the Ambani lexicon, ‘truce' means unbarred turf wars."

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Sharda Bhargav says:

May 26,2010 at 07:36 PM IST

Quite amusing.

Prav says:

May 27,2010 at 12:21 AM IST

Thanks for the article I feel better!! In south, Karnataka, Tamilnadu and Andhra, traditionally girls would marry their maternal uncles or maternal uncle's son or paternal aunt's son and vice versa. My own family is full of such inbreeding so much so.. your great grandmother's cousin's great grandchildren somehow end up as your first cousins one way or the other!!:)) Even muslims marry their paternal first cousins! and good to know Parsis do it too.!! A Few handful of orthodox hindus from cowbelt should stop screaming about HINDU Marriage act.. we are all Hindu's too!

Bhagwad Park says:

May 27,2010 at 12:24 AM IST

Great post. All those who support the khap diktats should realize that nature has its own methods for preventing excessive inbreeding. No one falls in love with their mother or brother or sister. We don't need a law preventing it. If two people fall in love, then by definition it's ok with nature. Why does anyone else have a problem? If you don't want to marry someone withing your own gotra, suit yourself, but don't impose your views on others. Of course, you can object in any peaceful manner you want. Write a book, sing a song, draw paintings or whatever. But threaten physical violence and you should be shot like a mad dog.

RC Sharma says:

May 27,2010 at 08:10 AM IST

Now Bachi, you are breathing hot and cold.

As you said, each community has its own rules of marriage. If a catholic marries a non catholic he is denied communion and a place for burial. Among muslims it killing or denial of burial.

Now take islam. A man cannot have two sisters as wives. Why? For them it is incest. Why? Will you crusade for such lovers? Can you even dream of amending their marriage laws and declare such marriages legal? NO, after all, fatwas are real enough.

Parsis want marriage among Parsis. Can you force them to do otherwise?

Look at the canon laws of various faiths and churches. You might be shocked to learn a few things.

Moreover, if every community is its own rules and laws, why pick on Hindus?

On ground reality. In N. India every parent likes to avoid the same gotra marriage.

A smart Alec said: If love is what it is cracked to be then why not permit marriage of brother and sister, father and daughter, mother and son? Hey, it would be the ultimate rebuff to khaps.

Asamanja GHOSE says:

May 27,2010 at 10:49 AM IST

Dear Bachi Karkaria,

To hell with your Paris traditions. In the Hindu religion, men and women of the same gotra are not allowed to marry, and thats it. There are very sound reasons for it, and thats all to it. So, stop your antiques on our traditions, because you will get no where with them.

A. GHOSE

Deepti says:

May 27,2010 at 11:14 AM IST

In Kerela the norm is to marry your maternal uncle's daughter & in Tamil Nadu they even marry the Maternal Uncle. Now are Kerela & Tamil Nadu any less India than the badlands of Haryana. These Khap Panchayats have blinders on them, but what makes it worse is politicians likes Navin Jindal actually supporting this nonsense.

Sameer Saurabh says:

May 27,2010 at 04:24 PM IST

Your guilt is nothing but a just the result of taking the half aspect of a sentence

RC Sharma says:

May 29,2010 at 06:55 AM IST

From Hindu Marriage Act

Section 5
Conditions for a Hindu marriage.- A marriage may be solemnized between any two Hindus, if the following conditions are fulfilled, namely:-

(iv) the parties are not within the degrees of prohibited relationship, unless the custom or usage governing each of them permits of a marriage between the two;

(v) the parties are not sapindas of each other, unless the custom or usage governing each of them permits of a marriage between the two;

If your community is not exempted by (5)

Note: Spinda means same gotra, Bachi.

My earlier comment" Where has it gone, Bachi?

Biju says:

June 07,2010 at 03:03 PM IST

I am not against any tradition that exists in society . My question is, Has the Khap Panchayats got any right to punish by ordering to killing of those who not follow their order? Is Navin Jindhal Supporting such a dark era custom? Shame !

anjali g says:

June 09,2010 at 04:01 PM IST

Well said !

Aston says:

June 14,2010 at 03:19 AM IST

Explains the high incidence of birth, physical and mental ailments in Parsi population. No wonder getting fewer and fewer. People who consider them above others (cannot marry other than a Parsi) die out. Your community is a perfect example.